Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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