Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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