I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
