The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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