Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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