I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
