by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
