Umm I'm too high to move.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
