So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
