Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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