We won't sleep together?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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