I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
