I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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