If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize