Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
