Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
