My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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