i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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