My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
