There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
