alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
