The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
