We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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