I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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