You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
