Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
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She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
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Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize