If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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