Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
