If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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