she was so not down for the gang bang
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
