It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
