I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
