I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think pants incapable of making pants work
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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