There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
