It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
