that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
