I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
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Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
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You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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