You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
