Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
