tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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