i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
