I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm always down for nudity.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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