tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We left the knife in your bed.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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