That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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