I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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