the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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