i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
