I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
