I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize