i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
