i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
