Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
how drunk are you?
Several
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
