he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
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We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
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How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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