the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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