she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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