so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
