I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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